A few years back I wrote this little essay. 

It is the precedent to Half Opened Gates, Lovable and Don't Make Me Cry. These songs are finally coming out, and so is the reason why:

All of my romantic relationships failed. All of them.

They were never meant to work (i realized). I was never meant to be with a man that doesn’t understand or appreciate my complexity. The depth of my beauty. My sensitivity and strong energy. My mood swings and cute things. Never. Never never never. And may this be an example for all the girlies that get insecure because they have never had someone that chose them. Like, really chose them. 

I never had it. But it probably does not matter. They were just never meant to choose me. They maybe wouldn’t know how to handle me. But instead of seeing it that way, or saying it that way, they just would stay silent, or say “they are not ready for a relationship”, which most of the time really meant “I don’t want to be with you.”. 

But why do we sometimes tend to assume that they don’t wanna be with us because we’re not good enough for them? Maybe they’re the ones who can’t keep up with us. Maybe we can’t keep up with each other. Maybe we can’t keep up with them (lollll, doubt it for several of the cases). But also maybe it's just not meant to be. Perhaps they feel intimated by our beauty, our knowledge, our willingness and capacity to love deeply. And they would maybe go, cheat, or not even dare to commit. 

Maybe they just don’t understand us. Or they don’t want to understand us. But that is absolutely NOT our problem. You know? Absolutely not. And may I have the grace to remember this the next time I am rejected, because God knows it is hard to be reasonable and not spiral down the insecurity lane. And I choose, in my heart, I deeply choose to believe that there will, there will be a man that is ready for me. Ready to love me in all my complexity and beauty. Ready to love all my shadow and my light. My body and my soul. All in all. 

It’s our time to shine ladies. It’s our fucking goddamn time to shine, and it has been for the longest time, but let’s fucking claim it. Let’s all just please fucking claim it. And let’s keep loving hard, until the one that is meant to appreciate it and recognize it arrives. Or is willing to open his eyes. 

Lets make love win, ihihi,

Xxx,

Mary's Diaries <333